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You want to know what makes America Awesome? Do you know why every country in the world should celebrate Thanksgiving with us? You know, there is nothing that American politicians like to do more than pontificate on what it means to be an American, how exceptional we are as a nation, and all about how our values are just plain better than everyone else's. Which is a really stupid argument to make because we're the melting pot, our values and beliefs -- Democracy and Christianity just to name two -- they all traveled here with our ancestors. But what didn't come from Europe or Asia or Africa or the Middle East was our food -- which is why the rest of the world should bow down before us. Why do we eat Turkey on Thanksgving? Because its an American bird and bald eagles don't look like they have much meat on them. And what would Turkey be without potatoes, Idaho or Russet, sweet or mashed it doesn't matter they're all American. As is corn which means they're be nothing to munch on in movies and that Mexican food would suck especially since avacods are American, as are all chili peppers and bell peppers—so kiss off hot food and say good-bye to pizza because tomatoes are American so there'd be no red sauce, no lasagna and no coffee to drink after dinner or in the morning or when you had to stay up to write a term paper because coffee is American and you wouldn't even be able to drown your sorrows in a Cosmopolitan because there's be no cranberry juice to make it with and when ...