The Product

A message I created using dylanmessaging.com. [via]

Whenever a former or current president dies, the federal government shuts down. Completely. Congress quickly votes, and then unanimously takes the day off, and then, as long as they're at it, gives the rest of the federal workers the day off too. The problem is that everyone else in the world continues as usual. While your local senator may feel fine taking eight hours off to stare out the window and sniff his index finger, the rest of us have work to do. Including mail processing clerks, federal employees may they be. Even though mail is not collected, people still mail things, and so we must process it. While we don't necessarily get Rememberance Day off, we do get *a* day off to mourn the president. At our discretion. Today, I chose to take the day off to mourn the passing of our 38th president, Gerald Ford. As you might expect, my day was fricken awesome. The day started normally enough. Coffee and web-surfing. Zoning out in front of screens. A quick shower, delivering an much-overdue rent payment, and then wandering off to find breakfast at around 2pm. Yes, the life of leisure. I love this city. (Have I mentioned that the Lake Superior Coffee House serves breakfast ALL DAY LONG, for like, four bucks? And you can totally watch Louis Jenkins talk with some ponytailed dude while you eat it? Anyway...) After breakfast, life is all about reading and otherwise screwing around in the park. While one could choose any park, we chose Bayfront Park, because that was supposed to be the place where Wilco was going to play. Before Nels Cline came down with chickenpox. Don't even get me started on this. I take photos, including this one, which I made into a banner for Perfect Duluth Day. More coffee. And then sushi on my deck from Zen House, which was kind of hit-or-miss. Some of the rolls were fantastic, but some ... uh ... not so much. Later in the evening, Superior Wisconsin and Punk Rock called. And you know what? Duluth is so much cooler than Wilco. [video] God bless you, Gerald Ford. You were a beautiful man.

Oh, New York City. I'll tell you about it sometime. But for now, I have to do something I haven't done in days. Sleeeeep.

Dude, I'm totally gonna be in New York City for the next few days with my good friend Maria. And we're staying in a hotel known for its fine selection of mice and cockroaches. Hmm. At least my companion loves animals. I'll be bringing my compact, tiny, aluminum-cased electronic communication devices, so you'll probably see some NYC posts in the coming days. Or not, if we're having too much fun. Download: New York Theme (Hey, You Can Have That Heartattack Outside, Buddy) by Tom Waits

Recently, I wrote about photos that might not seem so noteworthy at first, but after they've fermented a bit, bring back memories of particular days that were fun. Not stellar, not monumental, but fun and good and happy. These are some of those photos.

Recently I had the pleasure of trying a vanilla-flavored Tootsie Fruit Roll candy. I am so pleased! Finally, I now know what it is like to eat a scented candle. Fruit Rolls come in five flavors: cherry, lemon, orange, vanilla and lime. If you're like me, you're probably wondering by what stretch of the imagination is vanilla a fruit flavor. But you know what? It turns out that vanilla is the fruit of an orchid. Here's where we get serious. You have no idea how much joy this exotic news gives me. I've written before about how vanilla has always been my favorite ice-cream flavor. In 8th grade, we had ice-cream in one of my classes on the last day before Christmas break. We were all supposed to say our favorite flavors, so I said vanilla, and everyone booed. Booed. Apparently, since my favorite ice cream wasn't Chocolately Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Cocoa Destruction With Extra Fudge, the villagers saw fit to get out their torches and pitchforks. Well, now I am vindicated, muthafukkas! The fruit of an orchid. Ha! Vanilla is also a key ingredient in the world's favorite beverage, Coca-Cola, which uses more vanilla extract than any company in the world. When New Coke was introduced in 1985, the economy of Madagascar crashed, and only recovered after New Coke flopped. The reason was that New Coke used vanillin, a less expensive synthetic substitute, and purchases of vanilla more than halved during this period. Vanilla, people. Vanilla. It isn't synonymous with "plain." It is beautiful. And exotic.

If you didn't see Diablo Cody on Letterman last Monday, here's your chance. That chick must have one hell of a publicist.

In my early teenage years, after all of my siblings had left the house, I remember methodically going through all of their records looking for something to like. I was apparently bored with my tapes and thought I needed some schooling in music. There wasn't much; or rather there was quite a bit, but not much was good. The first three albums from The Cars stood out, as well as Blondie's Autoamerican, but I'd been listening to those albums fairly consistently ever since they entered our house. My eldest sister had some choice albums, but she took them with her when she moved out. I was left with the dregs. My parents played the hell out of an album of duets by Jim Reeves and Patsy Cline, which I certainly never complained about, but couldn't really bring myself to listen to by my own volition. Mainly, there were a lot of albums by Dolly Parton, whom I wouldn't learn to appreciate until my late 20s, and a lot of give-away crap like brass bands doing the Beatles, and shit like that. I longed for my sister's Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath albums, which as I said, she took with her, and which I believe she threw out when she became a Jehovah's Witness. This is almost, but not quite as unforgivable as when she threw out an original copy of Sing Along with Jeno. But I've written about that before and I can't think about it too long without risking an aneurism. Anyway, I remember finding the album 2112 by Rush and thinking that it should be something that I should like. After all, it was almost like devil music. Plus, the lead singer, Geddy Lee, did vocals on "Take Off" by the MacKenzie Brothers. How bad could it be? Bad. Really, really fucken bad. Because I was a geek, a poor geek who couldn't afford to buy good music at the time, I listened to that album over and over trying to get it and trying to like it. I got it, but man, it sucked. A concept album about rock 'n' roll saving the world. How original. If you've read this site, you know how I feel about The Who and Pink Floyd. Fuck, Kilroy Was Here by Styx beats the hell out of 2112. Plus, why 2112? We all know the world's going to end in 2012. The point is, Rush sucks. Exept in this context.

Starring Mr. Paul Lundgren Music by T. Nile Watch it....

Holy mackerel! Consider my world completely rocked. Last night I was chillen out here in the Product Headquarters with my buddy Stahfukka, which of course means drinking booze while simultaneously combing the web on two computers, when I came...

When you leave booze lying around, it attracts the worst element....

If things are going to go too far, this is when it will happen. --------...

Here's Nathan Anderson of Dance Escape performing at the 2005 Miss West Duluth pageant. Thanks to Ca-chee for the video. [NOTE: VIDEO REMOVED DUE TO BANDWIDTH ISSUES] --------

It should be a rite of passage for every freshly purchased car in the Twin Ports -- head to A & Dubs for some drive-thru. [Quicktime | Music by The Beastie Boys] (Note to out-of-towners: This is A &...

A-list videoblog Rocketboom interviewed field correspondent Chuck Olsen yesterday about Minnesota Stories, and showed Starfire's Hungry Cyclist video. Whew. That's a mouthful. Watch the Rocketboom segment here. (NOTE: I had some trouble with the default download, which I think is...

If things are going to go too far, this is when it will happen.

Here's Nathan Anderson of Dance Escape performing at the 2005 Miss West Duluth pageant. Thanks to Ca-chee for the video.

Here's Nathan Anderson of Dance Escape performing at the 2005 Miss West Duluth pageant. Thanks to Ca-chee for the video.

It should be a rite of passage for every freshly purchased car in the Twin Ports -- head to A & Dubs for some drive-thru. [Quicktime | Music by The Beastie Boys] (Note to out-of-towners: This is A & Dubs, not A & W.)

A-list videoblog Rocketboom interviewed field correspondent Chuck Olsen yesterday about Minnesota Stories, and showed Starfire's "Hungry Cyclist" video. Whew. That's a mouthful. Watch the Rocketboom segment here. (NOTE: I had some trouble with the default download, which I think is BitTorrent. It kept crashing my browser. So you may want to choose the Quicktime or WMV version. Rocketboom is savvy enough to provide all that crap.)

I got a surprise 5-day vacation this week, which means one thing: flee the country. Thank you Jerree for your hospitality. [Quicktime | music by Jerree Small]

Six years of good times has come to an end. If you don't know what this means, I can't explain it to you.

The obligatory Vloggercue movie. Some people talk. I just shoot. In social situations, I treat the camera like cigarettes.

Sometimes, you are oblivious to the violence, darkness, and seediness, and life is wonderful. These times are the happiest times. Happy Independence Day, everybody. [Quicktime | 2 min. | music stolen from Ben Kweller: "Living Life"]

I made this video awhile back, as I was struggling with the dilemma of whether to be ultra personal on the vlog or not. I decided not. [WMV | 2Mb | music: loop stolen from "Single" by Everything But the Girl | video: stolen from Nadja by Michael Almereyda]

"Mild, please." [Quicktime, 5.8Mb]

Riding from the North End bars to the Twin Ports Brewery on a rainy Saturday night in Superior, Wisconsin. Decrepit is the new pretty. Watch it. [WMV | 7Mb | music: Tom Waits - "New York Mood (A New Haircut and a Busted Lip)"]

Either I've got to stop vlogging the weather, or I've got to apply for the weather position on Rocketboom. Um. I'll stop vlogging the weather. Download [WMV, 11Mb]